Another day, another dollar I could have earned....

When at WIC yesterday, the appointment officer wanted me to explain how life was going for myself and my family. I could have let loose on how things are but instead, I just explained it in short, simple detail. I told her how things could be easier if I had a job; a continuation of a talk Bill and I had had earlier. I wanted to cry when she then said, "Don't worry about working right now. You have a little baby that needs her mom at home, if you find yourselves needing help, let us know if there is anything more we can do."

I wanted to cry because I already feel so guilty about not working, that when being told to not worry about working, it then makes me feel guilty that I want to work, like I am abandoning my kids or something. It's not that I don't want to spend time at home with Hayley and Audrey, I just want to be able to help out and contribute more to take stress off of Bill. He's let me know repeatedly that he's happy I am able to stay at home with the girls and it has made our lives easier since I quit Hollywood Video. For some reason though, I can't shake the guilt.

I went through the same thing with Audrey when we lived with Bill's dad in Santa Barbara. When she was almost a year old, I knew I needed to get a job to help out. I was able to work for a few months while Bill was the stay at home dad. He got to take Audrey out on walks and stay home and watch Blue's Clues and Teletubbies with her and have loads of fun. He enjoyed that time with her so much I feel bad he isn't able to do it again with Hayley.

Today, we were able to go to Audrey's award ceremony for her National fitness award, it's one step down from the President's fitness award, but her certificate is still signed by Obama. She was so happy for that! : ) Both Bill and I were able to go and it made Audrey so happy when she saw he was there. She was telling everyone sitting around her, pointing him out, all smiles about it. (I was worried they'd think he was some mountain man with his scruffy beard.)

Usually, Bill isn't able to attend things at her school because he has to work. For a while, we both couldn't attend anything at her school because we both had to work. I guess I should be thankful that at least one of us is able to go. My parents had to work during the day most of the years of me growing up and weren't able to come every quarters award ceremony's. I'm not upset and I'm sure if they were able to attend one, I just don't remember. I wonder if Audrey will remember that Bill was there today, or even that I was?

Opportunities like today are so rare, I guess they should make me feel blessed. Even though I'd rather be working I need to feel glad I'm able to attend these school functions because so many other parents aren't able to. I need to remind myself that Bill and I are fortunate to be able to be in the right financial setting now to be a one income household and that my job is taking care of my family. I love having that as a job and I don't need to feel guilty that I am not helping out financially, I am helping out to have my daughters grow up to be wonderful human beings. That alone is worth it to be short a few extra dollars. As Audrey says, "It's at least better than nothing."

Thank you Audrey, you have made my day. : )